Only Fools give up easily.

It's way past midnight. The human activities outside has began to cease. Everything seems so quite and serene.

But why am I struggling to fall asleep..... I tossed 360 degrees on my bed for the past hours but unable to get a good rest. Thinking to much...? Guess so.
The issue which had been bothering me for the past months was circulating actively in my mind. I can't sleep even though my entire body was dead tired.
Now, I'm here attempting to blog something and hopefully after doing so, I could catch some sleep later.

" No problem was ever solved without a hard struggle ? "

To what extent is the above statement true ?

The battle. I had put in all my effort to fight it. Wasted my time and energy worrying about it. And yet....it's still dragging on and on. I am extremely tired now. I'm on the verge of giving up....as I'm dead tired. It had affected my life. As it drags on...it's torturing my mind and soul. How long do I have to wait ?
Is God testing my patience?
Do I deserve such a treatment ?
Why am I so unfortunate ?
Perhaps, I was at the wrong place at the wrong time.


My inner self is whispering over and again.....
"Ann, it's would be over in no time. Stop worrying about what might have been. If you slipped, all you need to do is stand up and get back on the track again ! There are more interesting episodes awaits you. Don't give up."

Ya...I guess I need to take charge of my mind. I need to manoeuvre it so that it doesn't control me. It's either I keep on or simply stop thinking about it. The choice is in my hands.
Alright....I know what I should do now.

I'll be climbing onto bed in a short while to get what I deserve....
Good Night Folks !

Rainbow at the end of the day

It's been quite some time since I last blog over here. I was pretty down with my own set of unsolved matters. In fact, I suffered from severed gastric for the past few days due to stress ! I was over whelmed with stress until I completely lost my appetite for food. My gastristic worsen yesterday and I was forced to see a doctor. To my surprised, my doc too diagnosed me as under tremendous stage of stress....at first glance ! She gave me a day off today. Am grateful to her coz I could make use of the time to study for my exam which is tomorrow......



Meanwhile, I am still very much bothered by my uni problem and hope that it could be settle amicably soon when I get to meet the Uni -No. 1 man when he returns to Malaysia in early May. His schedule is pretty tight and I am still hoping that his secretary is able to set an appointment for me to see him. I'm sure God is by my side.

The prolong of this issue had created a lot of stress in me. I hope I've enough courage and strong to go through it.



And a piece of good news. The student whom I had been training daily after school had managed to enter the finals for "Public Speaking Competition". If she wins this time around, she will be representing Penang for the National Level (below the 12 age group). However, if she loses...it's still a consolation as she had managed to reach the semi final. No bad for a rural school like mine to be able to reach that stage. I'm not expecting any forms of appreciation from my boss as i know very well..she won't. But deep in my heart, I am fully satisfied for a job well done. Hope with this good deed, Lord Buddha will reward me by guiding me to sail thru this difficult moments smoothly.

I hope to see rainbows emerging before my eyes soon.

Struggled

I had completed two of my exams papers this week. Though tough questions but I think I'm able to get at least a "B". Hopefully so..la.

After going thru so much uncertainties, I didn't really get to do a proper revision. With my hectic work schedules in school, where on earth do I have the time to study ? In addition, I am still facing some problems with my uni....!

To make the story short, I am quite stressed-out with my current situation. Seems like being buried in a mountain of obstacles...one after another. I'm struggling to come out of it....

Anyway..I am adamant that I could come out of it soon. Yes...pretty soon. I positively feels that I could be free again. I'm working very hard to emerge from the depth...! I am definitely not giving up until I win this battle. I want to conquer this obstacle.

I believe Lord Buddha is guiding me..... Amithabha.

In the meantime, I will prepare myself for my third paper @ 24 April. Guess..I won't be here updating my blog as frequent as before till end of this month.

I hope you guys are still praying for me.

Happy Ending is fast approaching

I'm glad that I was finally being accepted back into the .......... I received a call .....telling me that I am able to return......

That's a piece of good news for me. You know how much I had suffered for the past few days...! Enduring sleepless nights worrying death over this issue.

As long as I am being accepted, guess it's already half the battle won. I got a 50-50 chance to win the case. I will definitely fight to my last bits. I'm well determine to achieve what I had set for. I'm going all out to let them know my existence. I want to proof to them that I'm capable and I had been wrongfully accused ! I'm NOT gonna GIVE UP... ! I have strong will power to sustain my position and rights.

Lord Buddha has answered part of my prayers. Amithabha.

I'm still seeking for Lord Buddha's blessing to be able to maintain strong to continue the battle at 9am today.

Sorry dear readers. I still can't reveal the exact thing over here in my blog. Simply too personal to share. However...I felt great to be able to post about it over here for the sake to ease my pain.

So pray for me...dear friends.

My sixth sense is telling me that Happy Ending is fast approaching.

Hope for a happy ending

'No chances in life,
Judgement every day
From those who don't understand.

I've tried to move on,
To correct my mistakes
And make something of myself.

So what if I dropped out.
It was for the best.
But I face a daily judgement,

A social stigma
For doing what I thought was right.
But it doesn't end there.

I'm judged for my feelings,
Ashamed of my emotions.
When it gets really bad
I'm left unable to talk.

I write, but still fear judgement,
I created this poem in my blog because
I'm being left alone
Nobody cares, nobody understands,
Solitary confinement
For a crime I didn't commit,

The story of the depressed lady
high hopes for a happy ending

I am very sad.

For some obvious reasons, I am feeling really sad today. Feeling so upset and down. The feelings of my heart is so damn painful. I wanted to cry out loud but unable to do so. Perhaps, I had been too strong to show the softer nature of myself. Hey...it isn't wrong for an adult to shed tear..right ?

I hope by writing this post might help to ease the inner pain that I'm suffering right now. I do not know where else should I go except by pouring out my misery over here in my humble blog. Knowing that many of my dear readers would read it.

Guess this is the punishment for me. I accepted my fate with arms wide open. However, it's still unfair coz I'm ain't totally wrong. Just a matter of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Luck..ya ! Many people had done it but they manage to get thru. But why not me ? Some how, I'm stuck ! I can't escape it. Luck ya. Blame it on my bad luck. Guess my "Lucky Stars" must be on leave then...! But why luck is not by side when I needed it badly ? Why..why tell me why ?

Sigh...!

No point regretting over what had happened. Whatever is done...is done. I can't turn back the clock. Beyond my means...! I'm praying that Lord Buddha is by my side...guiding me towards the right path. Amithabha.

I really pray and hope that the group of people that I seek help from are genuine in lending their hands to my plea. I hope they don't grant me empty promises. I hope they would take into deep considerations to all my plea. And hopefully they are sincerely helping me.

I'm merely seeking JUSTICE !

Oh Lord Buddha,

Please guide Ann

through this difficult patch.

Show Ann the way....Lord Buddha.

Guide Ann through this narrow path.

Hold Ann's hands so that she doesn't fall.

Give Ann the strength so that Ann can moves ahead

Teach Ann the right way to survive in this indecisive world.

Protect Ann from all danger and at all angles

Provide Ann with lights to brighten up the darken days.

Bless Ann....Oh Lord Buddha.

Amithabha.

You must be reading and wondering what was it all about in between those lines. Shaking your head...you don't know the meaning ! Needn't have to guess....you won't understand one.

Never mind...I'm grateful that you're reading it. And hope you too are praying for me. Thanks.

Dear friends, I'm so sorry....I'm unable to reveal it over here in my blog. Too personal to share with you. Just include me in your prayers in whatever faith your believe in. Thanks once again.

ANN'S PRAYER WILL BE ANSWERED SOON.

Someone Special

This is the continuation of the previous post of the "Tong Hua" song. I fell in love with the song when I first listen to it. Even without understanding the content of the lyrics as they were in Mandarin....I still liked it. It's the rhythm and soothing voice of that singer @ Michael Wong that impressed me.




However, after watching the video clip, I came to know that this song is actually a very sad one. There was a dying character in this piece. The lady was on the verge of dying from some kind of illness. The last part was pretty heart wrenching. The lady was listening to her boyfriend's performance via the hand phone while dying on the hospital bed. She finally took her last breath when the music ended. So sad...huh.





You see....most of us have this habit. We don't appreciating another human until we realised that time is running out. When we know that this special someone is dying, baru we start to kelam kabut treat him/her extra special. By then, it's wee bit TOO LATE...don't you think ?





And most of us only realise the goodness of someone special when he/she is no longer around beside us. This is the usual scenario when that someone is no longer with us. We begin to miss him/her. But when he/she is round, we ignore them and often take him/her for granted. We don't appreciate his/her existence until we lost him/her.





Have you ever experience this kind of feelings before ?





In conjunction with the "Cheng Beng" season of the Lunar calendar, many filial Chinese religiously paying homage to their ancestor graves. This is an annual affair..year in year out since our grandpa's days. I believe that we should show appreciations to the person when he/she is still alive. No point crying over spilled milk when that person is no longer around.




The same goes to friendship. More often than not, our dear friends are taken for granted. When this friend is away....then we baru tau that how grateful to have him/her around. We begin to miss him/her.......!





Therefore....from today onwards try to change our perception in life. Learn to appreciate those people around us. Be humble and learn to accept other people's weaknesses. Don't always think you're right and other people is wrong. Give more & take less. ....with this you'll be happier.

Take a break with "KitKat"

I got so tensed up with my studies.....so fed up with them. Therefore, I decided to take a break on this bright Sunday morning. I tried to look for some online music and found this piece. I liked the soothing rhythm. Though I don't understand what the male singer was trying to say in this lovely song but I can sense that it's related to him. You know-lah..my mandarin not good..ma.

The singer is probably Michael Wong Guang Liang and the title of the song is "Tong Hua". I admire his voice which is so soothing to the ears. I felt as if I was floating in the air when listening to his voice....hahahaha.

Kepala pusing with my studies already la. Actually ha...I don't really understand the content of this song. It sounded like a sad song. However, after watching the video clip, I got a little idea of the song. Guess it has something got to do with his dying girlfriend...something like that la..


Wow...how nice if my prince charming can present such a soothing song to me while I watch him from atop the balcony ! As he sang his lungs out to the most BEAUTIFUL lady of his heart.

Of course...ANN ...la...who else...!!!!!!!

Wah....so romantic !

Hey...Hold on..Wait a minute ! I am not the dying female character in that song. I just love the soothing rhythm...but not the content of the song. I usually don't like sad endings. Let's reverse it a lil bit. Both of them live happily ever after till eternity. Sounds better..rite ?

Wei....wake up..wake up, Ann. Dreaming again ah ? Romeo & Juliet had long gone extinction....we are now living in 2008 ..la ? Mimpi siang hari ka....?

Aiyah...day dreaming a bit to relax my tensed mind. Some kind of therapy to ease a tension mind. Believe me...it works wonders ! Take a break by indulging in some kind of dream... and then later chew a piece of Kit Kat...hahaha

Alas, I managed to find the English translations to this lovely song.

Click the bottom video clip to watch the clip of the MTV.

忘了有多久
wang le you duo jiu
I’ve forgotten how long it has been


再沒聽到你
zai mei ting dao ni
Since the last time I heard you


對我說你最愛的故事
dui wo shuo ni zui ai de gu shi
Tell me your favorite story


我想了很久
wo xiang le hen jiu
I have thought for a long time


我開始慌了
wo kai shi huang le
I start to panic


是不是我又做錯什麼
shi bu shi wo you zuo cuo shen me
Wondering if I have done something wrong again


你哭著對我說
ni ku zhe dui wo shuo
You told me as you cried


童話裡都是騙人的
tong hua li dou shi pian ren de
That everything in fairy tales are all lies


我不可能是你的王子
wo bu ken eng shi ni de wang zi
I couldn’t possibly be your prince.


也許你不會懂
ye xu ni bu hui dong
But perhaps you don’t understand either


從你說愛我以后
cong ni shuo ai wo yi hou
Ever since you told me you loved me


我的天空星星都亮了
wo de tian kong xing xing dou liang le
All the stars in my sky have brightened.


我願變成童話裡
wo yuan bian cheng tong hua li
I’m willing to become the one in the fairy tale


你愛的那個天使
ni ai de ne ge tian shi
The angel that you love


張開雙手
zhang kai shuang shou
I extend this pair of hands


變成翅膀守護你
bian cheng chi bang shou hu ni
and turn them into wings to protect you


你要相信
ni yao xiang xin
You must believe


相信我們會像童話故事裡
xiang xin wo men hui xiang tong hua gu shi li
Believe we will be like we are in a fairy tale


幸福和快樂是結局
xing fu he kuai le shi jie ju
Where blessings and happiness is the ending


你哭著對我說
ni ku zhe dui wo shuo
You told me as you cried


童話裡都是騙人的
tong hua li dou shi pian ren de
That everything in fairy tales are all lies


我不可能是你的王子
wo bu ken eng shi ni de wang zi
I couldn’t possibly be your prince.


也許你不會懂
ye xu ni bu hui dong
But perhaps you don’t understand either


從你說愛我以后
cong ni shuo ai wo yi hou
Ever since you told me you loved me


我的天空星星都亮了
wo de tian kong xing xing dou liang le
All the stars in my sky have brightened.


我願變成童話裡
wo yuan bian cheng tong hua li
I’m willing to become the one in the fairy tale


你愛的那個天使
ni ai de ne ge tian sh
The angel that you love


張開雙手
zhang kai shuang shou
I extend this pair of hands


變成翅膀守護你
bian cheng chi bang shou hu ni
and turn them into wings to protect you


你要相信
ni yao xiang xin
You must believe


相信我們會像童話故事裡
xiang xin wo men hui xiang tong hua gu shi li
Believe we will be like we are in a fairy tale


幸福和快樂是結局
xing fu he kuai le shi jie ju
Where blessings and happiness is the ending


我要變成童話裡
wo yao bian cheng tong hua li
I will to become the one in the fairy tale


你愛的那個天使
ni ai de ne ge tian shi
The angel that you love


張開雙手
zhang kai shuang shou
I extend this pair of hands


變成翅膀守護你
bian cheng chi bang shou hu ni
and turn them into wings to protect you


你要相信
ni yao xiang xin
You must believe


相信我們會像童話故事裡
xiang xin wo men hui xiang tong hua gu shi li
Believe we will be like we are in a fairy tale


幸福和快樂是結局
xing fu he kuai le shi jie ju
Where blessings and happiness is the ending


我会變成童話裡
wo hue bian cheng tong hua li
I will to become the one in the fairy tale


你愛的那個天使
ni ai de ne ge tian shi
The angel that you love


張開雙手
zhang kai shuang shou
I extend this pair of hands


變成翅膀守護你
bian cheng chi bang shou hu ni
and turn them into wings to protect you


你要相信
ni yao xiang xin
You must believe


相信我們會像童話故事裡
xiang xin wo men hui xiang tong hua gu shi li
Believe we will be like we are in a fairy tale


幸福和快樂是結局
xing fu he kuai le shi jie ju
Where blessings and happiness is the ending


一起寫我們的結局
yi qi xie wo me de jie ju
Together we can write our own endings









Michael Wong Guang Liang

Ann, can do it.

I am always scared of exams and I have exams coming up this Thursday. I always feel that way during examinations periods. How ah...in exams there is always not enough time, those questions looks alienated to me and I'm unable to answer any of them...etc. I feel so blurr and lost.

It's natural to feel some exams nerves prior to the exams. Therefore, blogging is a way that could help me to ease this tension. Perhaps, I will write about the dos and don'ts before the exams.

I need to believe in myself, my ability and capability

I wouldn't have been given a place to further my studies if I didn't have the ability to do it. Some more fully sponsored by the Ministry of Education, so I shouldn't be someone so lousy..right ! Therefore, if I prepare for the exams properly I should do fine, meaning that there is no need to worry excessively.

I should not try to be perfectionist.

Yes...I understand that it's great to succeed and reach for the stars. But I should keep things in balanced. I shouldn't be thinking that "anything less than A+ means I've failed" . That means I'm creating mountains of unnecessary stress for myself.

I should be aiming to do my best but also recognize that no human can be perfect all the time.

I must not keep things bottled up

Take it easy. Stay calm. Taking a break in between is a great way of alleviating stress and worry. At present, the exams might seem like the most crucial thing but in the grander scheme of my whole life they are only a small part.

ANN, CAN DO IT.

Exams Blues

My exams is around the corner...to be precise this coming Thursday. I've been experiencing some tragic events lately both as home as well as my work place. To be honest, I haven't started on my revision as yet. Am so tied up with my school work. Day in day out..endless books to mark, tons of paperwork..... Even my precious Saturdays were all used up for extra classes, seminars..etc.

Burning the midnite oil is not in my vocabulary. I feel that it will do more harm. No point cramming now... what you don't know, you don't know. I'll get more confused instead...

Well..I am not going to think about how badly I'll do but to keep a positive outlook even though I don't think it will turn out well.

I'm not freaking out.....but I simply can't help but keep on thinking about my exams. Is that what we call...exams blues?