Birthday Party

Vividly remembered the day when I celebrated my tenth birthday. All my friends and neighbourhood kids were invited to the party.

For the party, I put on my birthday dress which I was specially sewn for me. I liked the big bow behind my back.  I was superslim that day.... 

I walked into the hall where everyone was waiting for me. I saw a lot of lovely presents being displayed at one corner. They had been bought for me by all those who came that day.  I was truly happy…ya for a 10 year old girl to receive so many presents, definitely my heart pumped zillion !!

Then, Ah Pa bought my birthday cake with ten candles on it. It was a large and beautiful cake. The guest sang Birthday song while I stood facing the cake.  I was the central of attention for everyone.  After that, I was asked to make a wish and cut it. Though I felt rather uneasy, with so many eyes upon me, I somehow managed to cut a line.  

The guests were then served with an array of yummy food prepared by mum.   Music was played. There were also jokes and laughter among the children.  My friends and I played some games-Musical chairs and card games.

When the party was over, I unpacked all my birthday gifts. I was surprised to see such lovely gifts. The happiness reflected in my face…..Thanking my parents for holding such a pleasant party for me although we weren’t from a well-to-d0 background. 

Fast Forward to today….eversince that  10^th birthday, I never have the privilege to celebrate my birthday on a big scale.  It was always within my family members having a simple meal or a birthday cake or sort.  Year in year out….I’ve approached my 40^th birthday !!    

Happy Birthday to dear me…. 

The big 4 Birthday

Suprises from the two boys of my life.  Thanks Dear. Thanks Ah Boy. 

Nothing much changesafter all.  It's a matter of figure and mathematics.  Physically and mentally, am still myself.  

Crisis...

Am savoring the last few hours of my 30s before the clock strikes 12.  Hmmm….how is it like to be 40 circle, my life getting better or worst ? 

Hitting the big 4 ol. Sigh..  

For the first time in my life, am feeling a sense of nervousness, uneasiness right now.  A sense of being completely lost in life and completely alone really does scare me off.  

For a moment, I’ve developed this feeling like I’ve lost my identity and no longer know who I am.  All my values, principles, belief system suddenly evaporated !  What I stand for and what is my purpose in life….am totally blank.  Am beginning to feel depressed as well.   

Attempting to analyse my emotions and feelings.  One thing for sure…I’m starting to feel myself getting ‘old’.  Old is the dreaded word…which was never a taboo in my life until recently.  I began to get agitated over this word.  Am I getting old…where now I’ve landed on my 4^th decade.  The inferiority complex in me.

Mid life crisis…is this a natural phenomena when one approach 40 ?  

Am I experiencing a mid life crises?  So many things crossing my mind…menopause !  Am I ready to face this “M” ? 

I guess it is normal to develop such insecurity.  At least, I do have the time to sit back and re-access my options and make changes if there’s any….

Happy 40^th Birthday to myself.  

Total Confusion

Being in a daze for months.  Can concentrate on just anything.....  Lost !!  Surprising...Work wise I'm doing fine and so is at home. Managed both reasonably well.  No complain from my headmistress nor my family members esp Ah Boy.  But I just can't focus.  When at work, I think about home.  And when at home, I think about work.  In a total confusion state. 



Wonder why am I feeling so suck..?  Is it the 'Big 4 ol' syndrome ? 
(Hint hint...it's around the corner..folks..!!!)