Pass Gas

I was queueing to enter the lift at Jusco with my boy. We're heading to Popular to get some reading materials for him (to preoccupied his school break). Surprisingly, the shopping complex weren't crowded though it was Friday. Perhaps, it was the Friday praying time or most probably due to the bad times, many decided to tighten their purse.



Alright, back to my lift story. My boy pressed the up button and we waited patiently for the lift to reach us. Only both of us and no one else.



TitTit ! The buzzer buzzed...indicating the arrival of the lift. We stepped into the cubicle and my boy pressed the button 4th. Yes, we wanted to go to the 4th floor.



Just as the door was about to close....suddenly we heard some heavy footsteps as if someone was running towards us.



TitTit ! The door reopened...and we noticed a man's arm preventing the door from closing. A hairy large arm indeed. He walked in and stood in front of us. Hurriedly, he hit the close button with his large thumb.



He looked grumpy. I smiled to show my friendliness but was never returned. It's ok...one should be compassionate enough to understand that our attitude and manners reflects our morale values. Hence, we shouldn't think negative to others.



Just as we're floating up to the higher floors.....suddenly my sense of smell heightened. An aroma 'engulfed the entire room'. A mixture of rotten eggs, tempoyak, belachan, dead rodents, garlic .... Awwwwwwww!



At that precise moment, the burly guy danced his body as if he had release something and felt ahhhhhhh! He turned and starred at us with his monstrous eyes..as if he's innocent. No sign of guilt. He too jammed his nose while desperately gasping for O2.

TitTit ! The door opened wide and he dashed out like the Mexican Bull. He seems like accusing us and giving us a "Idiot ...your fart almost killed me" kinda looked.

I looked at my boy....he seems oblivious to what was happening. He was more interested in his own world. What was he doing...I don't know. There wasn't any sign of discomfort in him.

I felt nauseated with the stinking air by then. What a relieve, when the lift finally reached the designated floor. Both mother and son hopped out like happy frogs after the rain.

I had gotten quite annoyed with that burly guy ...... for his manners...uncivic-mindedness !

My son uttered softly.." Mummy...I 'pang pooi' just now. Got durian smell ah?"

I was dumbfolded.

Bak Chang

Happy Dumplings Day !

Fear N Phobia

The other day, I noticed a piece of paper lying on the floor.....as usual I got very irritated to see rubbish all over the floor. The next thing, I picked it up using my left foot (I'm a south paw). Was too lazy to bend down, moreover my backbones were simply too stiff to be bend (must be the pre-menopause osteoporosis days...touch wood!)

I used my big toe to hook on to the piece of paper to pick it up. While doing that, I felt something really gooey and sticky on my feet. The feeling was disgusting ! Yucks.....

Cold, wet and stubbornly sticky...

The worst part was, it wouldn’t come off my toe.
I took a look down and realised that it was a dead lizard!


My foot got stuck to a dead lizard with some Elephant gum glueing me to IT.

Oh Gosh..

I screamed like an insane woman ....stomping around the house ...with my left foot raised up high..... hopping and hoping to get the paper with the dead lizard ....off my foot!

I managed to get the paper off but somehow something got stuck to my foot.

I zoomed to the bathroom and used my toilet brush to brush it off my foot when I saw the lizard’s tail. I screamed out my lungs at the sight of the lil tail....still moving and wriggling. Hey..it's still alive although it had been detached from it's entire body parts. Believe me...it's still alive.

I was practically washing my foot for a good ten minutes like “murderer who had just bludgeoned someone, frantically washing off the blood off her stained hands”.

Terrified, I broke into tears. I was mortified and traumatized from the incident. I couldn’t hold back my tears. Big drops of tears trickled down my cheeks like a waterfall gushing down.


Tears out of fear. My heart was beating real fast as if I'm getting a heart attack.

I had accidentally squashed the poor creature when I tried to pick up the paper with my foot. The wet substance sticking on my foot must be the internal organs of the lizzy....imagining it's intestines, stomach, kidneys, penis, lungs and heart....all being squashed to resemble a dough. YUCKS...! I had killed a living thing...by accident...Amitabha !

Perhaps it was time I get over over my fright towards lizards. I didn’t know I would be this frightened. I developed this fear over lizards since I was a young girl. I have this "lizard phobia" which according to experts, "there's no cure for such phobia"

At least now I realised something. "I am definitely not fit to participate in "Fear Factor" like I always thought I am eligible to do. That's the end of my dream to join the show Host in one of his shows. Sigh !

Results

I was relieved that my Pap results came out "satisfactory". My gynae called me this morning. To you folks out there, here's something about Pap Smear.

Source : The College of Family Physicians of Canada

What is a Pap smear?
A Pap smear is a simple test that can help prevent cancer of the cervix. Pap smear testing saves lives. If women had regular pap tests, 90% of cancer of the cervix would be prevented. During a Pap smear, your doctor takes a sample of cells from your cervix to be tested. The cervix is the part of your uterus (womb) where blood flows through when you have a menstrual period.

To take the sample, your doctor will gently put a special instrument called a speculum into your vagina. This helps open your vagina so the doctor can see your cervix and a sample can be taken. Your doctor may gently clean your cervix with a cotton swab and then collect a sample of cells from your cervix with a small brush, a tiny spatula or a cotton swab. This sample is put on a glass slide and sent to a laboratory to be checked This exam only takes a few minutes. It is very important to stay relaxed to help make it more comfortable for you.

What is the sample checked for?
The cells are checked for signs that they're changing from normal. Cells go through a slow (many months or years) series of changes before they turn into cancer. Pap smears can show if your cells are going through these changes long before you have cancer. Cervical cancer is not life-threatening if it's caught early. This is why getting your Pap smear regularly is so important. The test results will be back in a few days to a few weeks. You should ask your doctor how you could get your Pap test results.

What do the results mean?
Pap tests can be reported different ways. A negative Pap test is one that is reported as satisfactory and shows normal cells. Some pap tests are not satisfactory or have abnormal cells and have to be repeated. A positive Pap smear means that your results aren't normal but does not always mean you have cancer. A positive Pap smear can be a sign of a number of changes in the cells on your cervix:
The results of your Pap smear may be abnormal if the cells on your cervix are inflamed (irritated). This can be caused by an infection of the cervix, including a yeast infection, infection with the human papillomavirus (HPV) or herpes virus, or many other infections.
Changes in cells that are very early signs of cancer can also cause your Pap smear to be abnormal.
Finally a Pap smear can also detect cancer itself.

How reliable is the test?
No test is perfect but the Pap smear is very reliable. When a Pap smear is positive, abnormal cells are present about 95% of the time. The other 5% of the time, no abnormal cells are present even though the Pap smear is positive. When a Pap smear is negative, there can still be abnormal cells that are missed by the test. If you have abnormal cells, the test may miss them 30% of the time and catch them 70% of the time. This is one of the reasons that regular Pap smears are so important.Sometimes the test may need to be redone because not enough cells were gathered in the sample. The laboratory should be able to see when there aren't enough cells on the slide, and then tell your doctor. Even though the Pap smear isn't 100% accurate, it has helped drastically lower the number of women who die from cancer of the cervix. The Pap smear is very worthwhile and is still the only test to check for the early changes in the cells that might lead to cancer.

Can I help make the test more accurate?
Yes. You can help make the test more accurate by not douching or using a feminine deodorant; birth control creams or jellies for 48 hours and by not having sex for 24 hours before the test. Plan to have your test done at a time when you aren't having your menstrual period.

When should I begin having Pap smears?
You should have your first Pap smear when you start having sex or by the time you reach age 18. Keep having Pap smears throughout your life, even after you've gone through menopause.

How often should I have a Pap smear?
Some physicians think you should have a Pap smear every year. Others think you should have a Pap smear once a year until you've had a least three normal ones. After this, you should have a Pap smear at least every three years as long as they stay normal. Ask your doctor what they think about how often you need a Pap smear.Certain things may put you at higher risk of cervical cancer. Your doctor will consider these things when recommending how often you should have a Pap smear. Also talk with your doctor about how often you need a Pap smear if you're older than 65. If you have irregular bleeding or very heavy periods, or bleeding after sex or after menopause, see your doctor. You may need a Pap smear as a part of the exam for these symptoms. If you have had a hysterectomy ask your doctor if you still need to have Pap smears.

What puts me at risk of cervical cancer?
The main risk factors for cervical cancer are related to sexual practices. Much of this risk seems to be related to diseases that can be passed by having sex. These sexually transmitted infections (STIs) may affect your cells in a way that makes them more likely to undergo changes that can lead to cancer. These diseases include HPV, herpes, gonorrhea, and chlamydia. HPV seems to be very closely connected with these changes.

What is HPV?
HPV is the virus that causes warts. It's very common. There are many types of. Certain types cause warts on the hands or feet. Other types cause wart-like growths on the cervix, in the vagina or anus, or on the penis, scrotum ("balls"), groin or thighs. These types of HPV are called genital HPV. They are (sexually transmitted infections). Often, the eye can't see the effects of HPV, but the effects can cause changes in cells. Many women who have positive Pap smears have genital HPV.

Rape

Voluntarily, I removed my pantie and climbed onto the table. Meanwhile, he drew the curtain to block the view from others. I was told to place both feet onto the footrest.

"Ms, lie on your back and try to relax. The more you relax your muscles, the more comfortable you'll be..!", he said patiently.
"Take a few deep breaths and try to check out the beautiful posters on the ceiling".

I raised my legs and spread them apart in front of him with some embarrassment.
He was oblivious to my 'gina'. Perhaps he had seen many great looking ones...'cherry pinkish ones"....unlike mine whom is 'gloomy like the evening clouds".

He used a cotton swab to clean my region. And I felt a sudden thrill when the cold gauze touches my sensitive skin. Then he applied KY generously onto my opening.

He began to look at my vulva with his deep spectacle eyes. He inspected my external genitalia. Looking for ..........! I felt his hands touching my vulva~ gently and lightly. I felt ticklish on my sensitive spot.

"Great, perfect..!" he uttered.
Was he admiring the beauty of my region....What ! A woman who had given birth....do you expect her region to be neatly constructed.? Sigh..!

Next, he gently and slowly inserted an instrument into my 'gina'. It gently spreads my 'gina' walls slightly apart.

At this point, I felt some pressure. I felt pain when he adjust the instrument. After a while, I began to feel comfortable when my body gotten accustom to the gadget.

He gave me the assurance from time to time just to make sure I'm comfortable.

I could feel him pushing in a long apparatus....and could feel it in my 'gina'. He warned me that there's gonna hurt a lil.
Ouch...something cutting into my flesh...down under. I experienced this sudden urge of urinating....was it my climax ? Was I getting high ?

Alright..done! You may dress up now.!

He shoved me to the door and we exchange glances. We bid farewell.

As I walked towards the counter, I heard my name was called.

"That's RM95 please, Ms. !"
"Please come back in a week time", said the lady behind the counter.

That's my annual Pap Smear Test which I religiously perform every year. A yearly ritual.

I was thinking.."hey..I allowed him to view my private part, let him insert his fingers into mine and at the end of the session...still need to fork out $$$ for the entire treatment...!"

What a lucky guy...he is..