Diary

I was cleaning my storeroom when I came acrossed this old diary. As I flipped through those pages, something caught my attention. There was a verse “Easy to forgive, hard to forget”.

A thought came to my mind,
“Did I really (totally and exactly) forgive K ?”






I could hear a small voice whispering behind my ears.
At this moment, I want to liberate my emotions and thoughts and let them have a kind of confession. This is their sole chance to do so.

It is so much easy to say that I have forgiven K who has caused me so much pain. But can I truly say that I have forgotten the incident, the reason for the misunderstanding, the painful words that were spoken and the many mistakes K did to me?





I am not perfect and I confess I have forgiven K but at the same time, I am not sure whether I have totally forgotten it. Honestly for me, it is hard to forget the things that caused so much hurt, the painful words that were uttered, and the trust that was destroyed.

I do not hold any grudges or harbor any resentments. Nevertheless, when memories of it flashes back, the pain I felt came rushing back almost instantly.



People often tell me that the only time we can totally say that we have forgiven and forgotten, is when there are no more “accusations” over whose fault it is or why it started or how it happened.

As the cliché goes,"Time heals all wounds." I guess it hasn't healed yet...or maybe its just my pride over-taking me. For me, another reason might be that there were no closure between the two parties. After the incident, we were not able to talk about it, we just drifted away and thought that we'll just forget the whole episode. I confess I am not good at talking. I am not comfortable with confrontations. I rather keep it all to myself and pray that things will eventually heal by itself.

For now, all I do is pray that I might be able to forget the past and that I might be able to face the future if the situation calls for it.

I pray to Lord Buddha to guide me to change my heart to forgive and I am asking this through HIM.






"Let all bitterness, anger and hatred be put away from me from today onwards. Let me face the new year as well as the years ahead with hopes and courage. Let the past be a tiny dot of history behind me".



Amitābha

"Wrongs are often forgiven, but contempt never is. Our pride remembers it forever." - Lord Chesterfield-